AHJAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
HAHAHAHAHAHAHA
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAGHQW36YXHFHISOGHFOGB
Oh man the craziest fucking twenty-three minutes of Steven
Universe just happened guys. I mean, fuckin WATERMELONS!
And EXPLOSIONS!
And MEMES! Smashing so many watermelons tonight.
So the whole thing begins with Steven dreaming he’s a
watermelon LOL WUT
 |
| And before anyone says it, yes, I saw "Watermelon Steven" |
and then there’s a whole lot of other watermelon people lol
WTFFFFFFFFFF
 |
| Dapper ass boy with that tie |
And then fuckin’ Malachite is freed from her chains and then
Garnet, Pearl, and Amethyst all fuse together to make this YuGiOh reject.
Malachite proceeds to kick some assssss but then the
watermelon people rise up against Malachite and let me tell you never before
has the phrase “a species of humanoid watermelons waging war against a big, green kaworu” flown through my head before
this episode, and it was gloriously retarded to see it in action
THEN MALACHITE EXPLODES
ANFIADGKADKGAKGHAGHAGHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAH BURSTS LIKE A FUCKIN BALLOON. THIS
EPISODE IS LIT AF
 |
| I'm BURSTING with laughter |
Lapis and Jasper separate and then the Cluster thingamajig
starts making the island tilt. Amethyst grabs Lapis because she, too, ships
Lapidot like I do, but Jasper just sort of falls down a cliff. Bye bitch! It
only lasted one second but the amount of memes that came up from that one
second was unprecedented.
And then fuckin’ Peridot and Steven have to do some
drilling. And let me tell you, they’re gonna drill tonight.
 |
| "DRILL ME!" |
Then they find the cluster, but instead of drilling them –
sexually – Steven decides to bubble EM. ALRITHTHSRUHFUGHF
YES BUBBLES
BUBBLES
BUBBLES
 |
| this show is awful btw |
NO DEATHS HERE, NO SIRREE, JUST BUBBLES
Day’s saved yay
This episode was incredibly entertaining, kinetic, and fun,
and it’s by far one of the series’ most jam-packed, exciting twenty or so
minutes. Lotta stuff happens in these twenty or so minutes. If you really want
to know if you’re going to enjoy “Super Watermelon Island / Gem Drill”, you
have to ask yourself this very important question: how much bullshit am I
willing to stomach? And there’s a whole lot of bullshit going on here! The
whole “weapon of mass destruction” getting bubbled… was bullshit! Jasper’s
wholly anticlimactic death was bullshit, but funny, because god damn, that’s
the saddest thing ever. The fact that the watermelon people instinctively knew
what was going on, and what to do to solve it… was bullshit! The bullshit
parade is loud and clear tonight, yes sir!
But that’s okay! My bullshit meter is so broken I can’t even
tell if it still works anymore or not. The episode is a rushed train wreck;
it’s impossible to look away from it, and completely impossible to take
seriously, but that’s okay because there’s epic explosions and deep visuals and
AN EXPLODING MALACHITE LOL
But honestly, this
was pure fun from start to finish. Maybe it’s because I was baked as hell,
maybe it’s because I don’t care anymore, maybe it’s because there’s a
WATERMELON DOG, I’m not even sure why I enjoyed it (I’m sure in a few days I’ll
be able to look at it more critically, but the only way I could do that is if
Malachite’s explosion wasn’t so fucking funny), but I did. What a fascinating
start to this 4-week special over at CN. What a summer this is gonna be for
those folks.
